Lost Solace
by ImLovely
Summary: - "Why do you hate God?," Sweets asked. Brennan decides to tell Sweets and Booth about her past. One-shot.


**Lost Solace **

**Disclaimer: Bones does not belong to me. :( **

**So, I'm very, VERY nervous since this is my first story that I'm finally publishing on fanfiction. I hope it isn't going to be a complete flop. This idea just popped into my head and so I decided to write a quick one-shot. Anyway, I really hope you enjoy it! :) (The flashback portion is written in italics)**

"Why do you hate God?"

"What?"

"Why do you hate God?," Dr. Sweets repeated.

"I can't hate God since I don't believe that he exists," Brennan countered.

"Well, there must have been one catalyst, one turning point, that made you turn away from your faith."

"I was never a devout Christian. My parents rarely took us to church. It was just something that never stuck with me."

"Come on, Bones. Didn't you ever believe in Him? Ever?"

"No," she stated. She then let out a deep breath and said, "Well I did at one brief juncture, yes."

"What made you change that, Dr. Brennan? Tell us about that."

"I... Well it all began after I was abandoned....."

_Her misty blue eyes flew around her room, looking around for possibly the last time before she'd be taken away. She pulled out her drawers and quickly shoved her prized possessions and some necessities into her school backpack. Carefully, she picked up a picture frame off her desk and stared longingly at the four familiar faces she was desperate to get back, her parents and brother, Russ. A rush of overwhelming emotions swept through her body- fear, sadness, desperation, as well as anger towards the people who were supposed to protect her but had left her to face her future completely alone. Temperance knew the social worker was waiting for her downstairs and the thought of going into the foster care system scared her to death. Deciding to take a rare leap of faith, she gathered up the bulging backpack, looked back at her room, and haphazardly climbed out the window. _

_As she walked down the desolate street, her heart began to race with adrenaline as she thought of how ridiculous it was, running away from a social worker. They would find her, she knew they would. The anxiety of being caught caused her head to throb and walking in the middle of a humid August day, she began to regret her hasty decision. The hefty backpack dug into her lower back and pretty soon, it became unbearable. She needed to find a place to stay, and fast. Her mind raced, thinking of anyone- neighbors, friends, maybe some place she could hide out in for a while. But none came. She briefly thought of the library. She could pretend she fell asleep while reading and maybe they'd leave her alone. But there was no place she could covertly "fall asleep" without being noticed. There was no way she could hide between shelves of books, someone would surely notice her. _

_Then, a thought articulated in her head. When she was younger, her parents had occasionally taken her and Russ to a church in which she would concoct ways of hiding between the large wooden pews just for fun. Thinking back, she had felt so awkward and out of place there. Her parents, being criminals and all, found it a little hypocritical to attend church, but to try to fit in with the "normal" families, they would occasionally pop in with little Russ and Temperance every couple of months. _

_She could partially remember where its location was and with no other place to stay, began to make her way over to, hopefully, her one solace. She walked for what seemed like to her, a few excruciating hours and finally saw the massive building appear down the road. _

_As she climbed the weathered brick steps, she looked up at the tall building and peeked up at the cross on top of the rooftop. "Please let me stay here, just for now," she thought, almost pleadingly with God. She didn't know what she'd do if she had to face the social worker again. She'd probably die of embarrassment. That, or punch her in the face and run away again. _

_The thick chestnut doors swung open and inside, the setting sun peeked through the intricate stained glass windows. The light seemed to spill onto the pews, covering them with vibrant, speckled colors. Looking up at the altar and the large wooden cross, she rounded the corner and took a seat in the last pew. She laid her baggage down next to her and began to think. She had never really prayed before, so when she kneeled down, she brought her hand up to her face and contemplated how she should cross herself. She knew it was a cross, but did she go to her left or right shoulder after touching her forehead? She hastily crossed herself, opting with the left shoulder first since it seemed more rational, left to right and all. She didn't really have any prayers memorized so she decided to just talk to God. _

_"God," she began, "I know I haven't really asked for much before, but I just feel so scared. I don't think I can manage living on my own just yet. I'm not old or mature enough either. Anyhow, I was hoping I could find some refuge here. Please, I just need to sort things out for a while. I don't know if you can hear me at all, or if I'm just talking to myself, but please if you are there, help me. Send me a sign, anything. I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you." _

_She pulled herself back onto the seat and sat, thinking about her available options, which she realized there were very few of. She could stay here, maybe even crawl underneath a pew so she could at least be safe for the night. There was also the choice of returning home where the social worker had hopefully realized by now that she had an uncooperative runaway on her hands and had left the premises._

_Temperance let her eyes drift shut and before she knew it, she had fallen into a light but refreshing slumber. Random incoherent images raced through her mind. Finally she was able to see her family standing off in the distance, smiling at her. They had come back. God had helped her. A wide grin spread across her youthful face and she began to run towards their outstretched arms. But as she ran faster and faster, her family continued to drift away from her. "No! No! Come back!," she screamed, running faster until her family zoomed out of view. In the background she heard a voice echoing, "Hey! Hey!" She looked back to where her family had been but couldn't find where the voice was coming from. The voice began to get louder and louder. Was this the voice of God mocking her for believing her family would actually return? Anger began to boil inside of her. Anger at God for keeping her from her family. Anger at her family for ruthlessly abandoning her. Anger at herself for not being strong enough to deal with all of this. The voice became overbearing and began to ring in her red-hot ears. _

_"Hey! Hey!" A tall woman in a habit stood above Temperance, waking her from her nightmare. "Are you okay, sweetheart?," the nun asked, her head tilted to the side with a concerned look etched onto her aged face. _

_"Yes, I should be fine," Temperance said, looking down at her slim fingers which quickly flew to the handle of her backpack. _

_"I think you should head home. It's getting dark. You're family's probably beginning to worry about you. I'm sure they wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you, dear." _

_"Yeah, I bet," Temperance answered. There was no point in asking to stay the night. God had answered her in her dream. No matter how much she wanted her family back, they'd be kept apart. Not even God helped bring them back. She gathered up her backpack and with a deft turn, turned her back on the nun and headed towards the exit. _

_"May God keep you safe, my child!," The nun yelled after Temperance's retreating figure._

_Temperance huffed under her breath and swung the doors to her one disappointment of a solace open. She skipped down the stairs of the church and began the dreadful trek back to her house. _

"...When I returned home, the social worker had left so I resumed living there by myself. However, after a few days they returned and I was taken into the foster system," a somber Temperance recounted.

"I'm sorry, Bones," Booth said taking her hand into his.

"It's not your fault, Booth. You had nothing to do with it," she said, patting his hand with her own.

"That is quite interesting, Dr. Brennan," Dr. Sweets said, his eyes glancing to their conjoined hands.

Both Booth and Brennan noticed the glance and they both gently let go of each other's warm grip. Brennan glanced at her watch and abruptly stood up, gathering her jacket and purse.

"Oh, I completely forgot. I was supposed to meet up with Max at the diner in a couple of minutes."

"Hey, I'll drive you," Booth said, jumping up and following her to the door, his hand resting on the small of her back.

"Thanks for everything, Dr. Sweets," Brennan said giving Sweets a quick smile before departing with Booth right behind.

"No problem, guys. That's what I'm here for," Sweets said to the empty room, a satisfied smile tugging on his lips.


End file.
